Tag Archive | single parents

How to Have the Life you Want…While Being a Broke Ass Single Mom!


Courtesy of zadishaefreeman.com

Well this is the life I want:

I want to have a successful book detailing my hirsutism struggle and the various ways to deal with everything concerning excessive hair growth.

I want to have a successful electrolysis and laser hair removal salon. Not a huge one; just one I can operate part time.

I want to not have to work in military contracting EVER again! Ugh…that’s a whole other blog right there!!!

I want to have a nice sized house I purchased, with cash. (I hate loans and debt!)

I want to pay off majority, or all of the 100k I owe in student loans. Yes, I said that right….100k!!!!

I want to work for myself and a success story and not have to worry about how to fund vacations and my kid’s future educations.

How will I get there? How will I pay off my debt and my live the life I want? It seems impossible on my salary of (roughly) 48k yearly.

Most would think I make a good salary as a single person, which I do….now as a single mom…..eehhh…..

Considering my bills per month (rent, power bill, gas, etc. etc.) I have roughly 1k left to just…have.

That is not including the randomness I have to deal with (leisure, toys for the kids, some shit falling apart in the house that I have to pay for, car repairs)

So what does that mean? Basically, much like most people, I’M FUCKING BROKE!

But all is not lost for me or my dreams.

I am expecting a lovely tax refund (one of the perks of being a single parent). Let’s say that refund will be 3k.

I have a 3k surplus I intend on NOT touching. After all, I want to write a book (which, even if going the independent route, may cost me a couple thousands of dollars).

I found an electrolysis school which cost 4k.

So to start my dreams, I need to save, at least, 6k (the book and electrolysis school).

I am not including the cost to actually establish salon space for myself. Hell, I am just trying to find a way to pay for the school.

The option of asking my parents for the money is there but I rather find my own way! But if I get desperate, I will not be too proud to beg AT ALL!

So, how do I save the additional few grand I need? I already know I will be expecting a healthy refund of 3k (estimation).

So what do I do? I only save around 1k a month.

Here’s what you do….yes, it’s going to sound painful, but no pain, no gain, right?!

HOW TO HAVE THE LIFE YOU WANT WHILE BEING A BROKE ASS SINGLE MOM:

  1. You cannot be ashamed to do the Peanut Better Jelly Time Dance! Yes, like…literally. Eat like you are on food stamps (no offense to anyone in of public assistance. I’ve been on Medicaid myself!) Eat like you seriously cannot afford it. Don’t be scared to Ramen Noodle things up a bit either! Bottom line, act like fast food and take out do not exists! Cook at home more. As a single mom, I know that’s difficult. But you have to try. Here’s a tip single moms: buy the fast food for the kids, but not you. Just don’t make it a habit.
  2. Don’t be afraid to let people know you are on a financial diet. Your coworkers asking to take you out to lunch need to know that or if you decide to go, buy something very simple and inexpensive like an appetizer and not a full course meal.
  3. Don’t be afraid to let people you are dating know you are on a financial diet. Hell, he may fall for you even more once he realizes you are financially responsible!
  4. Don’t drive too many places. If you don’t need to make that business trip or trip to meet up with friends at a bar, then don’t. Having a meeting over the phone if possible or invite friends to your house for drinks. And tell their freeloading asses to BYOB!
  5. Entertain your kids more the free way. Parks, walks, rides, window shop, or hell, my kid’s enjoy the double seated shopping carts at Target. They like riding around in that for hours!
  6. Take your lunch to work. Eat fruit for lunch. Go to Food Lion of a can of fruit or canned chicken or soup as opposed to Burger King.
  7. Take your car to a professional car repair person, not a repair shop. Someone with a good reputation in working on cars will save you A TON! But make sure they have a good track record first. Just don’t trust any friend of a friend of a friend. That goes for repairs on your house as well.
  8. Pay as many bills as you can at the same time. That’s the fastest way to get them out of your hair.
  9. Work from home more. If you have the option to clock in hours at home, do it, especially if you can rack in some overtime. Or it will at least keep you from going crazy on the job while dealing with the stress of finances.
  10. Get more active. Clean the house more, vaccuum the floor more, just get more active with whatever! That why you don’t have to deal with spending money all the time.

I plan on establishing these tips in my own financial life so I can afford the life I eventually want.

I will keep you up to date about how it works out!

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Hirsutism and Dating…Uh oh…


In starting this blog, I have chatted with numerous women suffering from hirsutism or conditions causing hirsutism (weight gain, weight loss, diabetes, PCOS, etc.) who are single, single parents, married, divorced, yadda yadda…

And I must say, it does not seem to be a huge issue since getting rid of the hair for one night is not usually an issue. But keeping him interested in you is another story!

I can honestly say, from dating to being engaged to being single to now being a single parent, that the last thing he is thinking about is your ingrowns on your chin. And if he is, uh…you need to get up from the dinner table NOW!

YOU are probably your biggest enemy in dating while hirsute. I certainly am!

I obsessed about being hair free on every date I go on. I even remove the hair “down there” even though I know for a fact he ain’t getting nowhere near 3rd base on the first several dates!!!!

I honestly have not dated anyone seriously in a few years. The last guy I dated seriously was towards the end of 2010, and it was for several months…maybe 8 months…and after the verbal abuse and attempted physical abuse once, he got the boot.

Funny thing was, his attacks almost never had anything to do with my hirsutism. He did once make mention of my furry navel trail but nothing much more. And in complete honesty, they were never “attacks” per say, but more like asking questions and being curious.

Either way, he was still a dick, and certainly no one I wanted around my daughters!

And since, I have tried online dating, chatting with guys where I work and my dates all seem the same: they are not interested.

I almost ALWAYS equate it to them noticing an ingrown somewhere, or my wrecked skin on my neck or my sideburns I forgot to trim up.

Yes, I am more self-conscious than people who are close to me know!

You look at the perfectly photoshopped pics of celebrity women who of course not have a lick of hair in inappropriate spots and of course we as normal women try to replicate that! But we forget how quick these women have been PHOTOSHOPPED! Even Kim Kardashian admitted to having laser hair removal done multiple times!

I got so use to comparing myself to everyone walking on the street who I thought looked “normal.” And it was not even me thinking they looked better than me. I was just immediately jealous because they looked a hellaluva lot more normal than my furry ass! And needless to say, that sent me into, often times, hidden but extreme depressions and a loss of self-love.

I started thinking no guy would want someone like me because of how I look, regardless if it was my fault are not…regardless if this is how God intended for me to look….regardless of how many justified explanations I came up with, at the end of the day, no one will want me.

And I felt this way about myself for years…I mean, YEARS! Every guy I dated who dissed me, I always found a way to blame my hirsutism, every time…

It didn’t occur to me, until recent years, that some men (and I stress the word “some” for my male readers!!!) that not everyone deserves your company, your friendship, and most importantly, your heart.

***NOTE***: And I am writing this from a heterosexual point of view. But there is not a doubt in my mind that some women from the gay and homosexual community can relate to image issues in dating as well!

And 95% of the time, it doesn’t have a damn thing to do with your chin hairs! They probably were not paying that hard of attention to it anyway!

You learn to raise your standards and lower your expectations with companionship. I certainly had to learn that the viciously hard way. He may seem like a charmer, but if he cuts you off for no good reason, shit….let his ass go. He may have concocted what he believes to be a good reason for dissing you (or disrespecting you on the first date, or judging you for no reason, or just being a complete ass for no reason) but don’t spend too much valuable time venting about it. Is he stressing over dissing you?! I hate to say it but probably NOT!

You’re an amazing women, with or without being hirsute….but you are simply entertaining the WRONG PEOPLE.

And to my own personal amazement, these same dickheads seem to find a way to communicate with you weeks or months later with a simple “Hi” text message, probably out of guilt, boredom, or having a little regret! Yes! I get those texts messages to this day from men who peaced me out months/years ago! *Shakes head* And I almost never know who it is…once I figure it out, the convo ends pretty quick!!!!

But it is almost never a medical issue ladies. He simply wasn’t the one. You should be thankful no more of your time was wasted on relationships that were fated to go nowhere fast!

So the next time you think you’re dating a charmer who finds a way to cut you loose for no solid reason, just dust your shoulders off and keep it moving.

And frankly, so what if you may have a hirsutism problem! I would much rather have some problem hairs than psychological issues and personalities disorders, bad credit, a history of abuse, a criminal record, laziness, rebound issues, hanging on to an ex from the past, being a momma’s boy, not prioritized, bad money management….Oh, ladies, I can go on and on!!!!

Not that I am judging folks with real medical issues but in my experience with dating various types of men and various types of personalities and various types of issues, you simply get to the point where there are certain things you just choose not to deal with if you can avoid it. Some folks got issues FAR WORSE than sideburns on a woman, you feel me!?

As you can see, I too have had issues with my hirsutism and being accepted by the opposite sex. I certainly dealt with my fair share of insults and such but not much while I was an adult in the dating the world. The worst insults came from myself!

So before you blame yourself for what you consider to be disadvantages in dating, look at the type of people you are attracting in the first place. Just because you feel you are flawed in  a way that you think makes you less than feminine, that does not mean you should give any man and every man your time.

Often times, when we feel down and out about ourselves, we let anything and everything into our lives! Not good ladies! From personal experience, you do NOT want to get wrapped up in a toxic relationship with a foundation of bad self-esteem and self-loathe! Been there, done that,  and it’s soooooo unhealthy!

I tell you now that most will not deserve you! Work on loving yourself, mustache and all and you will see a change in the way you allow men to upset you, if at all!

Now get out there and start dating some REAL folks! Thanks for reading!