Tag Archive | self esteem

Why I am choosing to write about Adam Lanza, shooter responsible for the mass killings at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut


My priceless cargo!!!

I am not going to spend too many words discussing Adam Lanza, the man responsible for the killing of numerous small children and teachers in Newtown, CT today at Sandy Hook Elementary School…

I have no interest in glorifying his name, not even in the slightest.

Sorry ladies for going off topic a wee bit, but my oldest daughter, Kira, celebrated her 6th birthday yesterday and I woke up to this terrible news in Connecticut…

My heart wants to express remorse for this clearly disturbed individual; something clearly was wrong with him.

And not only was there something wrong with this individual, but clearly it was ignored for quite some time.

The normal human brain does not wake up one day and tell its body to start shooting up little babies….something was terribly wrong with this young man and the other suspected individual(s) responsible.

All the shootings that have taken place in our country in the past 5-10 years were almost always over something hidden within their minds….something ugly but very, very real…something dismissed as just a crazy person, or something that people simply cannot or will not address! It drives me batty!!!!!!

As crazy as this sound, I cannot help but to associate those hidden, dark feelings to girls dealing with hirsutism or any issue that makes them hate themselves and just hate life!

Ladies (and gentlemen), you cannot bury your sadness, regardless what it may be over. You are simply not doing yourself no favors living life pissed over something you cannot control. You develop a discord with your true happy self and adapt to being angry and hateful and that poison slowly controls all aspects of your life. That is what depression does.

You hate waking up, you hate other people’s happiness, you hate smiling, you hate socializing, you just HATE.

I have spoken to countless girls who are so upset and hurt over their condition(s) and it is simply something you cannot avoid. You build unnecessary anger that may make you snap.

I admit; I have snapped. I snap on my kids occasionally, I use to snap at people on the job, I have gotten into hideous fights with my sister because I…snapped! Other underlining factors played a part in my triggering to go off on people, but my hirsutism-induced depression did not help at all.

Please talk to someone ladies. Please find an outlet. PLEASE…

I don’t give a shit….write me an email, leave your number, if you need a friend, if you are THAT depressed about your condition, talk to me. I will be your friend! I’m dead fucking serious…I’ve done it before!!! I actually enjoy it! 🙂

Do not think for a minute you HAVE to live life in the dark, only waiting to snap on someone in the street, in school, in a mall, in the car, in an elementary school…You are not doing yourself or people who love you any favors.

I am not assuming you are going to go on a shooting rampage, hirsute girl. But I KNOW you are too valued of a person to waste your life on hate and even worse, self-hate.

You got to let the shame and fear go…you have to say to yourself  “I do not like my life…I do not like myself…I do not like that I feel this way…I want to change.” And just GO for it, and never look back at that vicious attitude about yourself.

Do not ignore your emotions or feelings. Do not ignore the bullies or the teasing. Someone, somewhere holds you close to their heart and wants to see you prosper, not sit around feeling less than a woman, less than human because you may be or look a little different or act different from the “typical.”

You cannot measure hate. You cannot determine how clouded a person is with loathe until it is too late…until they hurt others with their words, fists or guns…

As a mom, my heart holds heavy for the children and adults who lost their lives so terribly in Newtown, CT today. To know those babies will never get to open gifts underneath the tree this Christmas makes me fight tears while I am typing at this very moment…

As I write this blog, I plan on holding my children very strongly tonight and will continue to do so throughout their lives.

In closing, I say to you all: Please do not hold your emotions in darkness. Regardless if it’s your hirsutism, your PCOS, your hair loss, weight gain, your diabetes, your love life, your marriage, your grades, your friends, your finances…Please know that someone, somewhere values your words and wants to see you and your life blossom for the good.

Please keep the children of Sandy Hook Elementary School in your hearts always….

My personal HIrsutism Hero #2: Siobhain Fletcher!


The Brave and Beautiful Siobhain! Courtesy of abcnews.go.com

Siobhain Fletcher is an English woman who suffers from hirsutism due to PCOS. She has dealt with it more than half of her life.

Sounds all too familiar!

Of course, she dealt with self esteem issues, image issues, and isolation all in fear of being made fun of and rejected.

Even still, sadly, she had to deal with it anyway.

Then she noticed a friend growing his beard in support of “Movember” a movement that takes place in December to recognize mens health issues.

It is intended to inspire more men to get screenings for cancer developments (mainly prostate and testicular) and general health check ups.

Inspired by her friend, Siobhain decided to grow her beard too, stating these beautiful words in a recent article:

“”Now it’s actually saying to the world, look, this isn’t a sideshow, I’m doing this to raise awareness for men’s cancer to stop families possibly losing a family member and also to help people with self-esteem issues to say, ‘It doesn’t matter.'”

It does not matter and it should not. How right she is!

You go Siobhain! And for that reason you are my #2 Person hero in my battle against hirsutism!

The Blessing in Hirsutism!


The Lovely and “Abnormal” Mulan! Courtesy of disgeek.com

I think “normal” women have no idea what it is like to be real abnormal.

I love that most people look at our condition as a simple flaw. But it is quite damaging how us hirsute girls look at ourselves.

We hate our faces and our bodies. The constant hair growth. The shave…the regrowth….the tweeze…the regrowth…the depilatory…the regrowth…

Some of us are so scared of ourselves, we hide. I know I did.

I started having it when I was in middle school. I hid so much that by the time I emerged from my Bat Cave, I was damn near 30 years old.

Over a decade, I hid in shame and hurt. Questioning over and over “Why me? Why not the pretty girls who sleep around and bully people and cause so much turmoil in high school….they don’t deserve the good life they got. Why can’t they suffer from something like this?! Why me!?”

I hid because of what men would think about me…that no one would truly ever accept the whole me. That’s why I went through so much work to get rid of the hair. To the point, I did even more damage to my skin.

I blamed everything on my hirsutism. Even as a mature 30 year old, I cannot help but to wonder why I have not married yet? Are men that scared of my condition?

Why can’t I just be like every other woman? I don’t want to be the prettiest girl. I just wanted to be a normal girl. I just wanted to meet someone that would try to understand my condition and not judge me over something I simply cannot control.

I feel for the young girls who cannot seem to understand their hirsutism. My heart weighs the heaviest for them. I was that girl that gave up SOOOO MUCH in my youth. I would not even go to parties or hang out with friends because I was so embarrassed by my excessive hair growth.

I stopped hanging out with friends because of what they would think about me. And I just started to isolate myself.

That behavior simply stuck with me all the way into adulthood. I found myself with very, very few friends and not much of a social life because I emotionally abused my brain and heart into thinking I was not worthy and/or normal enough for a regular life.

Most of the men in my life only stuck around for a short time. Even the father of my kids; I sit back and realized there was never any true love there, besides the fact we made two kids together.

And while I am much more mature now and I don’t allow hirsutism to keep me from having a life, I look back on those years and get disappointed with myself. Disappointed because I never cared enough in the right manner to tackle my problem.

I only cared in the sense of feeling sorry for myself and convincing myself that was lower than a woman because I did not look like a typical woman.

I am not the typical woman….

I am not the typical woman….

I am not the typical woman?….Do I want to be?

Typical…is boring….

Typical…is expected….

Maybe…I am DESIGNED NOT to be typical….

Maybe…I am designed to be…who knows…extraordinary…?

Maybe I was never intended to be amongst the “normal” women. Maybe I was designed to be flawed in the way I am so I could help build up women’s self esteem issues. Hirsutism can be damaging to a young person’s life, especially if they have no manner in how to manage it. I lived that for 15 years.

And if that is the case, I will take my abnormality in stride!

I know of no other woman, like me, in my position, with the type of desire I have to help other women.

I know of no other woman, like me, in my position, who knows what it is like to hate yourself and not even know why!

I know of no other woman, like me, in my position, who knows what it is like to have a thicker beard than her boyfriend.

I know of no other woman…

I am not proud to have this condition. Hell no! The thought that I could pass this shit down to my children, my DAUGHTERS, breaks my entire heart!

But I am happy to understand my condition and how it works, why it happens and how to manage it. I believe this will give me the upper hand at handling my kid’s hormonal conditions if they have any. (God bless them with normal skin!!)

And I know, truly and unconditionally know, that I am still beautiful. I partake in photoshoots because I am beautiful and I enjoy sharing beauty. It’s my beauty. I do not think I am the most beautiful but after spending 15 years not feeling beautiful, I feel like I am at my most beautiful in my life!

And I think there is nothing wrong with my refined confidence that I have been without for so long. And I am not a damn bit sorry about it.

And you should not be either!

Find what makes you feel beautiful and you will start believing it, as will others around you.

Being flawed may make you different from other “normal” women but as quoted in one of my favorite animated films of all time:

“The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all.” – The Disney film, Mulan

The Insults of Ignorance


People are ignorant. Individuals are very sophisticated. But People as a whole are ignorant.

They do not try to understand what they don’t know. So what do they do? Run their mouths. They create a faux sense of reality of something they know nothing about and then convince themselves that their lack of knowledge is correct.

They take no time to learn about what they do not know. They find it easier to insult or ridicule what they do not know.

Because of this, they only show their self-justified stupidity. When people volunteer to explain the truth of their outlandish reality, they either take no interest in learning nothing new or they do not have the brain capacity to retain the new information as truth.

What ignorant people don’t understand is that they are truly killing themselves with their ignorance…

Our brains are “exercising” every time we learn and retain information. The more valuable the information, the happier your brain is. It wants to retain as much information as possible. When you store more information in your brain, you keep the brain active.

For example: I have hirsutism. I want to learn how to treat hirsutism. I learn it. Now I want to learn how to treat it naturally. I learn it. Now I want to actually treat my hirsutism. I experience it. Now I want to how to maintain my treatment. I learn it. Now I want to learn about other beauty secrets, say, in other cultures. I learn it. Now I want to actually experience this new culture. I experience it. Now I want to write about my experience in a blog. I do it.

See how I keep my brain proactive with experiences and things it can retain and create new neurons to expand my curiosity?

An ignorant ass cannot do that. He/she will do this:

“She’s hairy. Wow that’s really not normal. She looks like a chipmunk.”

As opposed to…

“She’s hairy. Wow that’s really not normal. I wonder if she may have a health disorder. Hmm…what kind of disorder would make her look like that? Maybe I will research it when I get time.”

See the difference between the two? One person has no interested in being educated (ignorant) as opposed to trying to educate himself/herself on something new (sophisticated) like the second person.

Ignorant people usually have a stale educational background. They are typically the type of people who have lived the same drumbeat for all their lives. And if the ignorant person is actually educated, they probably have an ignorant heart.

How can you have an ignorant heart? Simple. You hide your ill thoughts and unappreciated experiences in your heart not your head. You save your brain the damage of ignorance by filling it with technical academia or experiences that you have no way of being unbiased to.

But those thoughts are still in your heart and what truly shape your personality.

That’s why you have bullies, and extremists, and hatred. And who wants to be around that?

Think about a seriously ignorant person you know. I mean, they are so ignorant, the thought of them hurts your brain. Ok…does that person have any friends? Do they discuss anything remotely compelling? Do they have any drive to do…well…anything with their lives?

Ignorant people are miserable, unhappy, uneducated, unaware, unwilling, unloving, unavailable to see anything outside their black and white 4 walls.

So when someone insults your flaws, do yourself a huge favor and ignore them. They are lonely, experiencing something they know nothing about and choose not to learn anything about.

Or better yet, if you have the time, smile and explain to their dumb asses why you look the way you do.

For example, if you are hirsute like me, tell them: “It is a hormonal condition that causes it. My skin is sensitive to androgen in my blood and it causes my skin to react with hair growth. However, hirsutism can be a part of more serious conditions like PCOS, acne, Cushing’s Syndrome, and other disorders of the adrenal glands, ovaries, pituitary, and/thyroid. Typically, the hirsutism is caused by a tumor developing in one of these organs and in a small percentage of case,s the hirsutism can be a sign of cancer.”

See how easily I told that ignorant ass about my condition without being insulting back? I actually told him something new. Now whether or not he chooses to retain that information is strictly up to him.

So do yourself a favor; don’t be ignorant. Learn as much as possible about people, the world, yourself. Because you never know when you will find yourself as the brunt of insults of ignorance too.

 

Were you Dumped for Having Hirsutism?!


This is very old photoshoot of me. I was portraying a sad girl, waiting for her love to return.

I was looking at some research for my blog and I noticed someone searched the term “dumped for having hirsutism” and came upon my blog.

When I saw this, I just looked at the search term for a solid 5 minutes and thought about it all day long.

Outside of everything they may say, what if they really cannot handle your condition and simply are not saying so? Yes, I know. The thought that that may indeed be true may hurt you to the core.

Trust me when I said I been there over…and over…and over.

And realizing that at 30 years old I am not even dating anyone seriously tells me maybe it is true that some guys may cease to think I am attractive because of my condition.

It doesn’t bother me as much as it did years ago but it certainly has not left my thoughts. Heck, at one point I was so desperate to find out why I was having so much bad luck at dating, I even wrote into radio shows in hopes they will read my letter! (Has yet to happen!)

I am looking back over the last 10 years of the guys I took seriously in dating and their reasons for dumping me (Yes, I was usually getting dumped, not doing the dumping) include the following:

  1. Not ready for a relationship, I still want to act unprioritized with life, including my future with you
  2. I’m an asshole, I don’t want to change for you (or my kids!)
  3. My own self-esteem is jacked up
  4. I’m just plum dumb and blatantly insecure with my own life

So when I look back on my exes, clearly I dodged a bunch of bullets! But it still does not change the fact that they did not give the relationship a chance.

And Ladies, understand something: they did not give the relationship a chance because they simply didn’t fucking feel like it! I can promise you it had almost nothing to do with the fact that you are hirsute.

If you know you tried to manage your condition and he knew this and still opted to give you the boot, he was insecure from the start. You do not need another self-esteem killer in your life! You have repair your own!

And I am sure he was not the cat’s meow 100%. Probably had crooked teeth, dimples in his ass, a little weiner, hell, he might have had hairy ass nuts himself! Who the hell wants to go down on that shit!?

Hell, your own momma probably didn’t like him. My mom did not like most of my exes, and my most recent ex she believed was gay!

So, ladies, do not immediately blame your hirsutism, or PCOS or whatever condition you may have that is causing your hirsutism to get you down in the dating game. There are plenty of women in your shoes who don’t have hirsutism that cannot seem to have luck in love either.

Instead of worrying about a man loving you, learn to love yourself first. Learn to build and love your own life, flaws and all.

I was recently given the boot by a guy who actually loved the idea of this blog. He had no problem with my condition; didn’t even notice it! We were both single parents and appeared to enjoy each others company…but after only three dates, he decided to go for a single girl with no kids. Talk about a slap in the face. (Not to mention he was technically still married!) Long story short,  I had to interest in dealing with people like him.

And honestly, being dumped gives you clarity. After I have been dissed, I start to realize everything I gave my dates entirely too much benefit of the doubt and realized I did not like him as much as I once believed! Maybe you should do the same ladies!

In closing, I want to leave you with a great song by Neyo! I feel like he is talking directly to me in this video! The lyrics are so to the core of my heart! I know you will relate to it too!! Enjoy!

 

Things to say to strangers when they point out your hirsutism!


TOP THINGS TO SAY TO STRANGERS WHO POINT OUT YOUR HIRSUTISM!

  1. Hello!
  2. (Giggle) Yes, I am I am hairy! I’ve always been!
  3. My hairiness runs in the family!
  4. Unfortunately, I have a condition that causes it. Not much I can about it!
  5. What the fuck are you looking at?!
  6. Yeah, well I was considering laser hair removal. You should look into it too!
  7. (Giggle) Yeah, I am hairy but my boyfriend/husband actually likes it!
  8. Too bad I’m not in Europe. It’s an aphrodiasiac over there!
  9. Do you need a picture since you’re staring so hard at me?!
  10. Bitch, yo momma hairy!

Feel free to add to my list!

Anyone who understand the hirsutism condition understands it is not the easiest thing to cover up.

Even after constant shaving and waxing and what not, you cannot hide that vicious 5 o’clock shadow, especially for us who have severe hirsutism like myself.

I remember working at a grocery retail store and I could feel some people’s eyes on my sideburns or my neck because they were staring so damn hard.

It made me feel like a freak, like “Am I THAT abnormal?! I know I am a pretty girl, but I just have this one flaw that sticks out like a sore thumb and some people cannot just let it be!”

It made me feel unattractive, like the world knew I was odd looking. Like I was the only woman in a 100 mile radius with an excessive hair growth issue.

Needless to say, I cried alot to myself, even as an adult.

Most people just stared, hardly ever saying anything. My issue was they were blatantly up in my damn face about it. Those were very rude and uncomfortable moments for me.

But the crazy thing is this: when I got a comment, it was from a man, and it was never really all that bad.

I remember working at this retail store in college and an older white gentleman made the comment: “You sure are a hairy little cutie pie!”

While I couldn’t help but to be the slightest insulted, I kinda liked the fact that he still saw beauty through my flaws. I giggled and told him thanks. Then he went on to chat about his mother being a very hairy Italian lady and some of his sisters being abnormally hairy on some parts of their bodies.

Another girl, who suffered from hirsutism, was strategic enough to pass me a note stating “I have hirsutism too!” I looked up at her and smiled and we chatted about our struggles with it while I collected her purchase.

I love talking to strangers about my hirsutism. I feel like I am educating them. I feel like I am reminding them that I am indeed normal and that I am indeed a fairly approachable, fairly attractive full blooded woman who has a vagina and ovaries and gave birth to children too.

Too often, people cannot help but to question a woman’s gender if her hirsutism is exposed and if it is robust enough to be mistaken for a man, which is pretty sad. But oh well, not everyone is born ignorant-less!!