Tag Archive | dating

How Do you Tell a Guy You Like that You are Hirsute!

Ok, so even though I blogged about this topic before in a way,  I felt the need to chat about it again with some differences.

Hirsutism is embarrassing for many women. The more severe it is, the more it bothers you. We know this much!

You can typically tell when you have it severely if your hairs are more dark than light and if those hairs are thicker than the rest of your body hair and if it grows abnormally in areas it is not supposed to.

Here is a good chart via Dr. Oz on how to determine your hairiness.

So back to the topic at hand……so you meet someone you actually LIKE for once! I mean, the interest is mutual, the conversation is great, the ideals are mutual, the desires are mutual, and everything is actually falling into place with your growing friendship for once!

Then, you get home, wash your cake-layers of makeup off and realize that ingrown on your lip!! OMG! Was it there the whole damn date!!! Was he looking at you or your third eye the whole night!!!

Well, all is not lost. Don’t prepare to get put on the “Never call her or her third eye” list just yet!

It’s very likely he didn’t pay much mind to your third eye ingrown. I mean, if you are as great as he assumed (and yes, you are!) then he probably didn’t even notice it.

And in not noticing it, he didn’t think about it, or your mild 5’o clock shadow that you strategically covered up with pounds of Cover Girl foundation.

So if you make it successfully past date one or two, I would not even mention your hirsutism. As a matter of fact, let him mention or let it become one of those odd ball topics for future dates.

Or this is something I did recently to kinda call out my hirsutism with a guy I liked:

On a recent really, really nice date, he was talking about himself, in a moderate way, and made mention that he cannot grow alot of facial hair. He pointed at what sections have always been bald and what areas grew alot.

I went into a little detail about facial hair stating how my children’s dad grew facial hair abnormally too, and I even pointed to the regions on my face to show him what I was talking about….of course over a couple of layers of foundation!

Must not have been that big of a deal because we still chat to this day and facial hair has not come up at all! 🙂

So here are some tips to follow when to break your hirsutism down to a guy you actually like:

  1. First of all, you got to like him and you need to KNOW he feels the same. Don’t talk too much about your personal life if he’s wishy-washy about any future with you, even just as friends. If he comes off as a dickhead, excuse yourself to the bathroom and never return!!!
  2. Get a good feel for the guy. Is he a liberal spirit? Happy go lucky type? Quiet and reserved? Introverted? Pessimistic? The more open he is about topics, the more open he may be about a health condition you cannot control.
  3. Make it a joke! Create a topic you and him can laugh light-heartedly about!
  4. Talk about laser hair removal. It’s so popular, who hasn’t heard about it! Tell him in that way so he knows you are aware of your condition and would like to manage it. Hell, he may even believe you don’t need! 🙂
  5. Don’t take his goofy comments to heart like “Your mustache is cute!” If he is truly a winner, he probably was not trying to truly insult you and therefore you should not take it such. He is noticing that “Hey….so you have some flaws! So what! I still fancy ya!”
  6. Just don’t mention it. If he doesn’t notice or care and he continues to show interest in you, then you shouldn’t put so much thought into it.

Now these tips are not ways to get a guy to like you. These are tips to make discussing your hirsutism with him a little easier. He has to be a decent guy upfront.

If he gives you the slightest inkling of being an asshole, why do you want that in your life anyway?! You are not a punching bag and should not allow yourself to be treated as such. I am sure his ass got plenty more flaws than you will ever have. If he has to be an ass just to get through the day, you should feel sorry for him!

Well, I hope this little chat about your extra fur will make chatting about it a little easier with your boo-thang!

He is truly a keeper, he won’t give a damn!

Thanks alot!



Single Parent Dating: Don’t prematurely compromise SHIT!

I am a single mom of two school aged kids. I am rather meticulous about the type of men I have around them, as any single mom should be.

The very few I have had them around did not stick around long. One was basically an undercover verbal abuser (not to them of course!) and the other was sloppy in trying to cover up his divorce…which there was never a divorce in the first place.

Needless to say, they did not stick around long at all.

My continuous poor choices in guys got me to thinking about myself and what is it that I am doing so wrong? To the point the shit started depressing me.

I was really at a lost! I didn’t behave like a slut, I didn’t dress trashy, I didn’t come off needy, I listened to what they had to say, I was interested in listening about their lives and such, I did nothing that would give them an impression to the point I would stop hearing from them.

It almost made me kinda sad. I started thinking my hirsutism was that bad and convinced myself this is the way it’s just going to be for me.

I truly thought at near 30 years old, I would have been married. The reality of it is is that I can barely keep anyone interested.

Then, after having a chat with a gentleman friend of mine, 20 years my senior, it dawned on me that I know what I am looking for, but I am prematurely compromising even before getting serious.

I was mentally making excuses for their bullshit early on!!!

Let me explain….going back to s0-called divorced boy. After I found out about his non-existing divorce, I was pretty pissed and told him to lose the number and address. He did….couple weeks later he’s all apologetic and shit. He admitted he was still married and that his marriage may take some time to dissolve. Didn’t want it to affect his Naval officer job or his kids lives. Like an idiot, I forgave him….temporarily. Then I got to thinking a few weeks after that….”Why am I compromising with this fool? I look just as bad waiting for this guy to dissolve his marriage, which might not even happen. I wonder what she would say or if she knows he wants to leave her? Why am I  COMPROMISING with this nonsense?” Shortly, after I met someone one, told him, he got ass hurt about it…and the rest is history!

Abusive boy. Taught me alot about finances and such..saving for a house and ins and outs of investing. Smart as hell, I must admit. But abusive. This guy was half black, half Hispanic and would proclaim over and over how he hates black people, they are all ignorant and know nothing about politics. HUH? Trust me when I say I cussed his ass out and kicked him out of my home. He apologized later and explained how his rotten ex-girlfriends, who were Black, were all ditzes. I said any color woman can be a ditz and don’t EVER  categorize YOUR OWN KIND based on sloppy ass women YOU dated! That type of attitude once I found out went no where with me fast. Why would I want to COMPROMISE  that nonsense?! Sad thing is this dude has two pretty little black girls he is raising like me. He has been blocked on my phone and Facebook for almost 2 years…

You may be compromising too much too soon, like I was…even to yourself. So I made up a list of things NOT to compromise as a single mom while dating:

  1. Your sanity. If he driving you batty with his stale ass personality or demanding ways on date number two, seek other options.
  2. Your children. That’s a fucking gimme.
  3. Your job. If he makes mention of you in any type of way, shape, form, or fashion of not having a professional life and you want one, let’em go.
  4. His marriage. Seriously?! I don’t give a damn how unhappy his wife makes him. Let his punk ass cry to his momma, not YOU!
  5. His divorce. If it ain’t been at least a year since his previous marriage, hang it up. Ain’t nothing cute about being  a rebound piece of ass because likely he ain’t trying to get booed up…not seriously. Needless to say his feelings for you may very well be shorted lived. He may be a cool guy, but nothing to take too serious.
  6. His family. If he explains how he has not seen his kids in 6 months or is not close with his family, (he may try to apply that same attitude with you and your close knit family), that should be a warning sign. If not, he needs to explain himself big time. Unless his kids live on the other side of the planet there is no excuse not being more active in your kids. I can think of VERY, VERY few justified excuses.
  7. You.
  8. Your happiness.

If you are looking for someone who has their mess in line RIGHT NOW, don’t settle for less.

Period. That is why you stay lost in love. Don’t settle. EVER. You want permanency, not just someone “to do.”

And plus it’s only fair. Yes, you have a single family, but you are a productive member of society, paying bills, caring for your family, trying to have a little fun in life too. Why should he be anything else? I am not saying he needs to have a house on the hill with a Benz in the drive way, but he does need to have what you have: Stability.

If you don’t bring drama of any kind to the table, he shouldn’t either. If you work full time, so should he. If you have a degree, him having one would be nice.

These are not stuck up, booshie, bitchy, tight ass standards either. Notice I didn’t mention nothing about looks right?! He doesn’t have to be God’s gift to mankind and you shouldn’t want him to be! Imagine all the bitches you would have to fight off!

I hate to say it but pay attention to the little things….ya know….the things he takes for granted because HE doesn’t think there are a big deal.  If it makes your Spider senses tingle, make a mental note and be ready resume your nearest exit. Life is too short to be trying to figure out companions who simply are not for you!

That may be why you cannot keep them interested in you because they know your expectations are something they cannot commit to, so let them be.

Maintain your reasonable standards and ever expect or settle for less. And certainly, don’t ever fight with yourself about compromising bullshit. Ever.

18 reasons why being DUMPED might be a Compliment!

So….I was listening to one of my favorite 80’s songs by New Edition: You’re Not my Kind of Girl.

I noticed it was not in my iTunes library so I went ahead it purchased it and listened to it over and over. If you are not familiar with the lyrics here ya go:

“Oh girl I know that you’re
Attracted to me
And I should feel the same
About you
There’s just something wrong
I don’t know what it is
That keeps us from becoming a two

It’s not your looks, you’re very pretty
It’s not your style, the way you dress is oh so fresh
It’s not the way that you carry yourself

Oh, girl I’m sorry
You’re not my kind of girl
Case you’re the kind of girl That a man’s dreams are made of

Oh girl I’m sorry
You’re not my kind of girl

Cause you’re the kind of girl
That a man would be proud to call his own

Girl listen to me
You’re so pretty
I wouldn’t change a thing about you
But I’ve been in love before
So I know how it feels
And the chemistry just isn’t there”

And here is the cute video to go with it!

Sexy ass little Ralph Tresvant basically is proclaiming he very much so likes this gorgeous ass girl but something is simply missing from her….or him!

In the past couple of years or so, I have had the worst luck with dating. I read all the books, applied Steve Harvey’s “90-day Rule” from his book Straight Talk, No Chaser, (basically, no oochie coochie for at least 90 days!), behaved like a complete lady, flirted a little bit, never went past 2nd base, I mean, I did everything right….and my furry ass is still single!

It seemed like I simply was not keeping their interest and I was not sure why. It did hurt but more so, it bothered me. I really wanted to figure out what I may have been doing wrong with these men.

At first, I thought it was because I was a single mom and they wanted someone with more freedom. But that was not matching up with their behavior at all. Maybe they noticed my overdue pedicure, or my crooked teeth, or a chipped nail!

Then, yes, insecure little me thought it may have been my hirsutism. Maybe they saw more sideburns than they felt was natural!!

But then it dawned on me that they recognized I simply was not the one, but it might have been for a complimentary reason!

Here are my 18 reasons why a guy seems all into you backs down out the blue and sadly end up dumping or cutting you off when you did almost everything right:

  1. He recognizes you are pretty dope but he is scared of loving again
  2. maybe he just wants to run the streets more (in that case, shit….let him!)
  3. maybe he recognizes she’s too good for him
  4. maybe he’s scared she will noticed his inverted nipples
  5. maybe he’s attached to some chicken head who is keeping him from realizing the prize the girl in the song truly is
  6. He’s unemployed
  7. He’s accustomed to pulling shitbucket looking bitches and you are best looking thing he ever pulled
  8. You don’t act like you need him
  9. You’re the perfect girl….at the WRONG TIME!
  10. You got your shit together better than he does
  11. He has terminal B.O. (body odor) and doesn’t know how to explain it!
  12. His breath is terminally shitty
  13. He can’t kiss
  14. He can’t fuck
  15. He’s a cornball and he knows you ain’t trying to date a dink
  16. He’s too smart it bores her to death
  17. He’s too dumb (in that case, lead him to the tallest cliff and inform him to plank….)
  18. He’s an undercover dickhead and doesn’t want you to find out because you actually are worthy of someone who isn’t a dickhead.

So next time he slowly stops responding to your texts, meets someone else, or just in general acts uninterested in you, don’t be sad. It’s very likely he is doing you a HUGE favor ladies and is silently telling you that you are the shit and he don’t deserve you!

Fellas, if I am wrong, please feel free to chime in! (this should get interesting!) 🙂

Thanks for reading!

Hirsutism and Dating…Uh oh…

In starting this blog, I have chatted with numerous women suffering from hirsutism or conditions causing hirsutism (weight gain, weight loss, diabetes, PCOS, etc.) who are single, single parents, married, divorced, yadda yadda…

And I must say, it does not seem to be a huge issue since getting rid of the hair for one night is not usually an issue. But keeping him interested in you is another story!

I can honestly say, from dating to being engaged to being single to now being a single parent, that the last thing he is thinking about is your ingrowns on your chin. And if he is, uh…you need to get up from the dinner table NOW!

YOU are probably your biggest enemy in dating while hirsute. I certainly am!

I obsessed about being hair free on every date I go on. I even remove the hair “down there” even though I know for a fact he ain’t getting nowhere near 3rd base on the first several dates!!!!

I honestly have not dated anyone seriously in a few years. The last guy I dated seriously was towards the end of 2010, and it was for several months…maybe 8 months…and after the verbal abuse and attempted physical abuse once, he got the boot.

Funny thing was, his attacks almost never had anything to do with my hirsutism. He did once make mention of my furry navel trail but nothing much more. And in complete honesty, they were never “attacks” per say, but more like asking questions and being curious.

Either way, he was still a dick, and certainly no one I wanted around my daughters!

And since, I have tried online dating, chatting with guys where I work and my dates all seem the same: they are not interested.

I almost ALWAYS equate it to them noticing an ingrown somewhere, or my wrecked skin on my neck or my sideburns I forgot to trim up.

Yes, I am more self-conscious than people who are close to me know!

You look at the perfectly photoshopped pics of celebrity women who of course not have a lick of hair in inappropriate spots and of course we as normal women try to replicate that! But we forget how quick these women have been PHOTOSHOPPED! Even Kim Kardashian admitted to having laser hair removal done multiple times!

I got so use to comparing myself to everyone walking on the street who I thought looked “normal.” And it was not even me thinking they looked better than me. I was just immediately jealous because they looked a hellaluva lot more normal than my furry ass! And needless to say, that sent me into, often times, hidden but extreme depressions and a loss of self-love.

I started thinking no guy would want someone like me because of how I look, regardless if it was my fault are not…regardless if this is how God intended for me to look….regardless of how many justified explanations I came up with, at the end of the day, no one will want me.

And I felt this way about myself for years…I mean, YEARS! Every guy I dated who dissed me, I always found a way to blame my hirsutism, every time…

It didn’t occur to me, until recent years, that some men (and I stress the word “some” for my male readers!!!) that not everyone deserves your company, your friendship, and most importantly, your heart.

***NOTE***: And I am writing this from a heterosexual point of view. But there is not a doubt in my mind that some women from the gay and homosexual community can relate to image issues in dating as well!

And 95% of the time, it doesn’t have a damn thing to do with your chin hairs! They probably were not paying that hard of attention to it anyway!

You learn to raise your standards and lower your expectations with companionship. I certainly had to learn that the viciously hard way. He may seem like a charmer, but if he cuts you off for no good reason, shit….let his ass go. He may have concocted what he believes to be a good reason for dissing you (or disrespecting you on the first date, or judging you for no reason, or just being a complete ass for no reason) but don’t spend too much valuable time venting about it. Is he stressing over dissing you?! I hate to say it but probably NOT!

You’re an amazing women, with or without being hirsute….but you are simply entertaining the WRONG PEOPLE.

And to my own personal amazement, these same dickheads seem to find a way to communicate with you weeks or months later with a simple “Hi” text message, probably out of guilt, boredom, or having a little regret! Yes! I get those texts messages to this day from men who peaced me out months/years ago! *Shakes head* And I almost never know who it is…once I figure it out, the convo ends pretty quick!!!!

But it is almost never a medical issue ladies. He simply wasn’t the one. You should be thankful no more of your time was wasted on relationships that were fated to go nowhere fast!

So the next time you think you’re dating a charmer who finds a way to cut you loose for no solid reason, just dust your shoulders off and keep it moving.

And frankly, so what if you may have a hirsutism problem! I would much rather have some problem hairs than psychological issues and personalities disorders, bad credit, a history of abuse, a criminal record, laziness, rebound issues, hanging on to an ex from the past, being a momma’s boy, not prioritized, bad money management….Oh, ladies, I can go on and on!!!!

Not that I am judging folks with real medical issues but in my experience with dating various types of men and various types of personalities and various types of issues, you simply get to the point where there are certain things you just choose not to deal with if you can avoid it. Some folks got issues FAR WORSE than sideburns on a woman, you feel me!?

As you can see, I too have had issues with my hirsutism and being accepted by the opposite sex. I certainly dealt with my fair share of insults and such but not much while I was an adult in the dating the world. The worst insults came from myself!

So before you blame yourself for what you consider to be disadvantages in dating, look at the type of people you are attracting in the first place. Just because you feel you are flawed in  a way that you think makes you less than feminine, that does not mean you should give any man and every man your time.

Often times, when we feel down and out about ourselves, we let anything and everything into our lives! Not good ladies! From personal experience, you do NOT want to get wrapped up in a toxic relationship with a foundation of bad self-esteem and self-loathe! Been there, done that,  and it’s soooooo unhealthy!

I tell you now that most will not deserve you! Work on loving yourself, mustache and all and you will see a change in the way you allow men to upset you, if at all!

Now get out there and start dating some REAL folks! Thanks for reading!