Tag Archive | dating with hirsutism

Were you Dumped for Having Hirsutism?!


This is very old photoshoot of me. I was portraying a sad girl, waiting for her love to return.

I was looking at some research for my blog and I noticed someone searched the term “dumped for having hirsutism” and came upon my blog.

When I saw this, I just looked at the search term for a solid 5 minutes and thought about it all day long.

Outside of everything they may say, what if they really cannot handle your condition and simply are not saying so? Yes, I know. The thought that that may indeed be true may hurt you to the core.

Trust me when I said I been there over…and over…and over.

And realizing that at 30 years old I am not even dating anyone seriously tells me maybe it is true that some guys may cease to think I am attractive because of my condition.

It doesn’t bother me as much as it did years ago but it certainly has not left my thoughts. Heck, at one point I was so desperate to find out why I was having so much bad luck at dating, I even wrote into radio shows in hopes they will read my letter! (Has yet to happen!)

I am looking back over the last 10 years of the guys I took seriously in dating and their reasons for dumping me (Yes, I was usually getting dumped, not doing the dumping) include the following:

  1. Not ready for a relationship, I still want to act unprioritized with life, including my future with you
  2. I’m an asshole, I don’t want to change for you (or my kids!)
  3. My own self-esteem is jacked up
  4. I’m just plum dumb and blatantly insecure with my own life

So when I look back on my exes, clearly I dodged a bunch of bullets! But it still does not change the fact that they did not give the relationship a chance.

And Ladies, understand something: they did not give the relationship a chance because they simply didn’t fucking feel like it! I can promise you it had almost nothing to do with the fact that you are hirsute.

If you know you tried to manage your condition and he knew this and still opted to give you the boot, he was insecure from the start. You do not need another self-esteem killer in your life! You have repair your own!

And I am sure he was not the cat’s meow 100%. Probably had crooked teeth, dimples in his ass, a little weiner, hell, he might have had hairy ass nuts himself! Who the hell wants to go down on that shit!?

Hell, your own momma probably didn’t like him. My mom did not like most of my exes, and my most recent ex she believed was gay!

So, ladies, do not immediately blame your hirsutism, or PCOS or whatever condition you may have that is causing your hirsutism to get you down in the dating game. There are plenty of women in your shoes who don’t have hirsutism that cannot seem to have luck in love either.

Instead of worrying about a man loving you, learn to love yourself first. Learn to build and love your own life, flaws and all.

I was recently given the boot by a guy who actually loved the idea of this blog. He had no problem with my condition; didn’t even notice it! We were both single parents and appeared to enjoy each others company…but after only three dates, he decided to go for a single girl with no kids. Talk about a slap in the face. (Not to mention he was technically still married!) Long story short,  I had to interest in dealing with people like him.

And honestly, being dumped gives you clarity. After I have been dissed, I start to realize everything I gave my dates entirely too much benefit of the doubt and realized I did not like him as much as I once believed! Maybe you should do the same ladies!

In closing, I want to leave you with a great song by Neyo! I feel like he is talking directly to me in this video! The lyrics are so to the core of my heart! I know you will relate to it too!! Enjoy!

 

Hirsutism and Dating…Uh oh…


In starting this blog, I have chatted with numerous women suffering from hirsutism or conditions causing hirsutism (weight gain, weight loss, diabetes, PCOS, etc.) who are single, single parents, married, divorced, yadda yadda…

And I must say, it does not seem to be a huge issue since getting rid of the hair for one night is not usually an issue. But keeping him interested in you is another story!

I can honestly say, from dating to being engaged to being single to now being a single parent, that the last thing he is thinking about is your ingrowns on your chin. And if he is, uh…you need to get up from the dinner table NOW!

YOU are probably your biggest enemy in dating while hirsute. I certainly am!

I obsessed about being hair free on every date I go on. I even remove the hair “down there” even though I know for a fact he ain’t getting nowhere near 3rd base on the first several dates!!!!

I honestly have not dated anyone seriously in a few years. The last guy I dated seriously was towards the end of 2010, and it was for several months…maybe 8 months…and after the verbal abuse and attempted physical abuse once, he got the boot.

Funny thing was, his attacks almost never had anything to do with my hirsutism. He did once make mention of my furry navel trail but nothing much more. And in complete honesty, they were never “attacks” per say, but more like asking questions and being curious.

Either way, he was still a dick, and certainly no one I wanted around my daughters!

And since, I have tried online dating, chatting with guys where I work and my dates all seem the same: they are not interested.

I almost ALWAYS equate it to them noticing an ingrown somewhere, or my wrecked skin on my neck or my sideburns I forgot to trim up.

Yes, I am more self-conscious than people who are close to me know!

You look at the perfectly photoshopped pics of celebrity women who of course not have a lick of hair in inappropriate spots and of course we as normal women try to replicate that! But we forget how quick these women have been PHOTOSHOPPED! Even Kim Kardashian admitted to having laser hair removal done multiple times!

I got so use to comparing myself to everyone walking on the street who I thought looked “normal.” And it was not even me thinking they looked better than me. I was just immediately jealous because they looked a hellaluva lot more normal than my furry ass! And needless to say, that sent me into, often times, hidden but extreme depressions and a loss of self-love.

I started thinking no guy would want someone like me because of how I look, regardless if it was my fault are not…regardless if this is how God intended for me to look….regardless of how many justified explanations I came up with, at the end of the day, no one will want me.

And I felt this way about myself for years…I mean, YEARS! Every guy I dated who dissed me, I always found a way to blame my hirsutism, every time…

It didn’t occur to me, until recent years, that some men (and I stress the word “some” for my male readers!!!) that not everyone deserves your company, your friendship, and most importantly, your heart.

***NOTE***: And I am writing this from a heterosexual point of view. But there is not a doubt in my mind that some women from the gay and homosexual community can relate to image issues in dating as well!

And 95% of the time, it doesn’t have a damn thing to do with your chin hairs! They probably were not paying that hard of attention to it anyway!

You learn to raise your standards and lower your expectations with companionship. I certainly had to learn that the viciously hard way. He may seem like a charmer, but if he cuts you off for no good reason, shit….let his ass go. He may have concocted what he believes to be a good reason for dissing you (or disrespecting you on the first date, or judging you for no reason, or just being a complete ass for no reason) but don’t spend too much valuable time venting about it. Is he stressing over dissing you?! I hate to say it but probably NOT!

You’re an amazing women, with or without being hirsute….but you are simply entertaining the WRONG PEOPLE.

And to my own personal amazement, these same dickheads seem to find a way to communicate with you weeks or months later with a simple “Hi” text message, probably out of guilt, boredom, or having a little regret! Yes! I get those texts messages to this day from men who peaced me out months/years ago! *Shakes head* And I almost never know who it is…once I figure it out, the convo ends pretty quick!!!!

But it is almost never a medical issue ladies. He simply wasn’t the one. You should be thankful no more of your time was wasted on relationships that were fated to go nowhere fast!

So the next time you think you’re dating a charmer who finds a way to cut you loose for no solid reason, just dust your shoulders off and keep it moving.

And frankly, so what if you may have a hirsutism problem! I would much rather have some problem hairs than psychological issues and personalities disorders, bad credit, a history of abuse, a criminal record, laziness, rebound issues, hanging on to an ex from the past, being a momma’s boy, not prioritized, bad money management….Oh, ladies, I can go on and on!!!!

Not that I am judging folks with real medical issues but in my experience with dating various types of men and various types of personalities and various types of issues, you simply get to the point where there are certain things you just choose not to deal with if you can avoid it. Some folks got issues FAR WORSE than sideburns on a woman, you feel me!?

As you can see, I too have had issues with my hirsutism and being accepted by the opposite sex. I certainly dealt with my fair share of insults and such but not much while I was an adult in the dating the world. The worst insults came from myself!

So before you blame yourself for what you consider to be disadvantages in dating, look at the type of people you are attracting in the first place. Just because you feel you are flawed in  a way that you think makes you less than feminine, that does not mean you should give any man and every man your time.

Often times, when we feel down and out about ourselves, we let anything and everything into our lives! Not good ladies! From personal experience, you do NOT want to get wrapped up in a toxic relationship with a foundation of bad self-esteem and self-loathe! Been there, done that,  and it’s soooooo unhealthy!

I tell you now that most will not deserve you! Work on loving yourself, mustache and all and you will see a change in the way you allow men to upset you, if at all!

Now get out there and start dating some REAL folks! Thanks for reading!