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How to Have the Life you Want…While Being a Broke Ass Single Mom!


Courtesy of zadishaefreeman.com

Well this is the life I want:

I want to have a successful book detailing my hirsutism struggle and the various ways to deal with everything concerning excessive hair growth.

I want to have a successful electrolysis and laser hair removal salon. Not a huge one; just one I can operate part time.

I want to not have to work in military contracting EVER again! Ugh…that’s a whole other blog right there!!!

I want to have a nice sized house I purchased, with cash. (I hate loans and debt!)

I want to pay off majority, or all of the 100k I owe in student loans. Yes, I said that right….100k!!!!

I want to work for myself and a success story and not have to worry about how to fund vacations and my kid’s future educations.

How will I get there? How will I pay off my debt and my live the life I want? It seems impossible on my salary of (roughly) 48k yearly.

Most would think I make a good salary as a single person, which I do….now as a single mom…..eehhh…..

Considering my bills per month (rent, power bill, gas, etc. etc.) I have roughly 1k left to just…have.

That is not including the randomness I have to deal with (leisure, toys for the kids, some shit falling apart in the house that I have to pay for, car repairs)

So what does that mean? Basically, much like most people, I’M FUCKING BROKE!

But all is not lost for me or my dreams.

I am expecting a lovely tax refund (one of the perks of being a single parent). Let’s say that refund will be 3k.

I have a 3k surplus I intend on NOT touching. After all, I want to write a book (which, even if going the independent route, may cost me a couple thousands of dollars).

I found an electrolysis school which cost 4k.

So to start my dreams, I need to save, at least, 6k (the book and electrolysis school).

I am not including the cost to actually establish salon space for myself. Hell, I am just trying to find a way to pay for the school.

The option of asking my parents for the money is there but I rather find my own way! But if I get desperate, I will not be too proud to beg AT ALL!

So, how do I save the additional few grand I need? I already know I will be expecting a healthy refund of 3k (estimation).

So what do I do? I only save around 1k a month.

Here’s what you do….yes, it’s going to sound painful, but no pain, no gain, right?!

HOW TO HAVE THE LIFE YOU WANT WHILE BEING A BROKE ASS SINGLE MOM:

  1. You cannot be ashamed to do the Peanut Better Jelly Time Dance! Yes, like…literally. Eat like you are on food stamps (no offense to anyone in of public assistance. I’ve been on Medicaid myself!) Eat like you seriously cannot afford it. Don’t be scared to Ramen Noodle things up a bit either! Bottom line, act like fast food and take out do not exists! Cook at home more. As a single mom, I know that’s difficult. But you have to try. Here’s a tip single moms: buy the fast food for the kids, but not you. Just don’t make it a habit.
  2. Don’t be afraid to let people know you are on a financial diet. Your coworkers asking to take you out to lunch need to know that or if you decide to go, buy something very simple and inexpensive like an appetizer and not a full course meal.
  3. Don’t be afraid to let people you are dating know you are on a financial diet. Hell, he may fall for you even more once he realizes you are financially responsible!
  4. Don’t drive too many places. If you don’t need to make that business trip or trip to meet up with friends at a bar, then don’t. Having a meeting over the phone if possible or invite friends to your house for drinks. And tell their freeloading asses to BYOB!
  5. Entertain your kids more the free way. Parks, walks, rides, window shop, or hell, my kid’s enjoy the double seated shopping carts at Target. They like riding around in that for hours!
  6. Take your lunch to work. Eat fruit for lunch. Go to Food Lion of a can of fruit or canned chicken or soup as opposed to Burger King.
  7. Take your car to a professional car repair person, not a repair shop. Someone with a good reputation in working on cars will save you A TON! But make sure they have a good track record first. Just don’t trust any friend of a friend of a friend. That goes for repairs on your house as well.
  8. Pay as many bills as you can at the same time. That’s the fastest way to get them out of your hair.
  9. Work from home more. If you have the option to clock in hours at home, do it, especially if you can rack in some overtime. Or it will at least keep you from going crazy on the job while dealing with the stress of finances.
  10. Get more active. Clean the house more, vaccuum the floor more, just get more active with whatever! That why you don’t have to deal with spending money all the time.

I plan on establishing these tips in my own financial life so I can afford the life I eventually want.

I will keep you up to date about how it works out!

The Insults of Ignorance


People are ignorant. Individuals are very sophisticated. But People as a whole are ignorant.

They do not try to understand what they don’t know. So what do they do? Run their mouths. They create a faux sense of reality of something they know nothing about and then convince themselves that their lack of knowledge is correct.

They take no time to learn about what they do not know. They find it easier to insult or ridicule what they do not know.

Because of this, they only show their self-justified stupidity. When people volunteer to explain the truth of their outlandish reality, they either take no interest in learning nothing new or they do not have the brain capacity to retain the new information as truth.

What ignorant people don’t understand is that they are truly killing themselves with their ignorance…

Our brains are “exercising” every time we learn and retain information. The more valuable the information, the happier your brain is. It wants to retain as much information as possible. When you store more information in your brain, you keep the brain active.

For example: I have hirsutism. I want to learn how to treat hirsutism. I learn it. Now I want to learn how to treat it naturally. I learn it. Now I want to actually treat my hirsutism. I experience it. Now I want to how to maintain my treatment. I learn it. Now I want to learn about other beauty secrets, say, in other cultures. I learn it. Now I want to actually experience this new culture. I experience it. Now I want to write about my experience in a blog. I do it.

See how I keep my brain proactive with experiences and things it can retain and create new neurons to expand my curiosity?

An ignorant ass cannot do that. He/she will do this:

“She’s hairy. Wow that’s really not normal. She looks like a chipmunk.”

As opposed to…

“She’s hairy. Wow that’s really not normal. I wonder if she may have a health disorder. Hmm…what kind of disorder would make her look like that? Maybe I will research it when I get time.”

See the difference between the two? One person has no interested in being educated (ignorant) as opposed to trying to educate himself/herself on something new (sophisticated) like the second person.

Ignorant people usually have a stale educational background. They are typically the type of people who have lived the same drumbeat for all their lives. And if the ignorant person is actually educated, they probably have an ignorant heart.

How can you have an ignorant heart? Simple. You hide your ill thoughts and unappreciated experiences in your heart not your head. You save your brain the damage of ignorance by filling it with technical academia or experiences that you have no way of being unbiased to.

But those thoughts are still in your heart and what truly shape your personality.

That’s why you have bullies, and extremists, and hatred. And who wants to be around that?

Think about a seriously ignorant person you know. I mean, they are so ignorant, the thought of them hurts your brain. Ok…does that person have any friends? Do they discuss anything remotely compelling? Do they have any drive to do…well…anything with their lives?

Ignorant people are miserable, unhappy, uneducated, unaware, unwilling, unloving, unavailable to see anything outside their black and white 4 walls.

So when someone insults your flaws, do yourself a huge favor and ignore them. They are lonely, experiencing something they know nothing about and choose not to learn anything about.

Or better yet, if you have the time, smile and explain to their dumb asses why you look the way you do.

For example, if you are hirsute like me, tell them: “It is a hormonal condition that causes it. My skin is sensitive to androgen in my blood and it causes my skin to react with hair growth. However, hirsutism can be a part of more serious conditions like PCOS, acne, Cushing’s Syndrome, and other disorders of the adrenal glands, ovaries, pituitary, and/thyroid. Typically, the hirsutism is caused by a tumor developing in one of these organs and in a small percentage of case,s the hirsutism can be a sign of cancer.”

See how easily I told that ignorant ass about my condition without being insulting back? I actually told him something new. Now whether or not he chooses to retain that information is strictly up to him.

So do yourself a favor; don’t be ignorant. Learn as much as possible about people, the world, yourself. Because you never know when you will find yourself as the brunt of insults of ignorance too.

 

Hirsutism and Bullying


Now this topic hits home for me.

My hirsutism has plagued me for years, ever since middle school. And trust me I have heard my share of torment.

My own self-loathe was bad enough but having other people point out the hideously obvious of course made me feel even worse.

Especially the feeling when the guy you’re crushing points out your  sideburns! That asshole!

This article made me want to cry. I really felt something very deep and real for Elena and any other girls suffering from hirsutism. It also makes me happy to know that there are permanent solutions to hirsutism. May not be solutions you like, but solutions DO exist. Here is an excerpt from the article:

“Like many people entering puberty, Elena struggled with body changes which included excessive hair growth on her face. Classmates cruelly called her names like “Elvis,” making fun of the sideburns that grew on her face. As a teen with few choices, she resorted to combing her hair over her face, shaving and hiding her true self in shame. “I started feeling awful, and I actually started going with the wrong crowd because I had such low self-esteem,” she said. Elena also says her excess hair has held her back from opportunities in her life.

She’s not alone. In fact, hirsutism, or excessive hair growth, is a common problem, and one that is permanently treatable through electrolysis. Elena, who says her Puerto Rican heritage and genetics contributed to her unwanted hair, discovered electrolysis at age 17, “I was walking with my head held high.”

But after the birth of her children, she struggled with excess hair in new places. Now a single parent, her budget can be tight. Yet Elena believes electrolysis is worth the investment in herself, and goes to Queens regularly for her treatments. “I feel like I can conquer the world after electrolysis,” she said. “It is important to take care of yourself, because we give so much, especially as women, so I’m making electrolysis a priority for me.”

Read more about bullying and Elena’s story here.

Like Elena, I heard it in school, at home, in public by strangers. It is not a good way to live and it is certainly not a good way to allow yourself to be treated.

I really don’t think people realize the damage, or additional or potential damage, they do when they decide to think it’s OK to verbally abuse other people because they have nothing better to do.

And to know that they are abusing someone who has a condition they cannot control just makes them lower than ant shit and think it’s funny. That doesn’t just go for hirsutism. It can be a number of things: weight, skin color, hair loss, a type of handicap, etc.

These fucking jerks don’t realize that, while uncommon, hirsutism can also be a sign of cancer…..Ignorant dipshits…I know!

I certainly had days when those comments made me want to disappear…literally. Transfer to another school, move in with other family members to avoid ridicule….not realizing that people will make fun of my condition anywhere I go.

The growing problem of bullying in the world is a real one. I hear countless stories of young people killing themselves because someone is tormenting them so bad, their very will to live is depreciating.

Some people think hirsutism is nothing but it can severely damage a young girl’s self-love, especially if she has no one around to care enough to help her get some help or help her manage whatever is keeping her from feeling beautiful. We all need some encouragement, especially when dealing with hormones!!!

I will admit, I did not get tormented THAT much but some comments that truly did upset me and sent me home crying even as an adult will stick with me for the rest of my life. I don’t think no one in my family or immediate social circle realize how much I cried because I simply could not understand why I was not “normal.”

Reading this article made my mission so clear with this blog: I want to help women, especially young girls understand that life is not a wrap because some anus nut said so or because no one else cares to help them understand their condition(s) and mange it.

This entire blog is about managing what many women find to be unmanageable because it can be. And they can have a chance at normalcy in life too. And with that notion, they are more confident in themselves and their conditions. I know I am! I mean, who else you know takes pics of their furball areas on their bodies!!??

And furthermore; it will give them the maturity to simply ignore insults and bullies. Maybe that new found confidence will help her take up some karate classes and learn to effectively whip someone’s ass for running their damn mouth in the first fucking place!

Thanks for reading furballs!

You know you officially have a Good Life when you blast Prince’s “Erotic City” in Stopped Traffic with the Windows Down!


First of all, I will let you all know that I am a HUGE Prince Fan!

I have always been since I was a kid! I love that man to pieces! I was considering dressing like him for Halloween this year!

I found myself picking up my kids this evening and “Erotic City” came on the radio and I went haywire! Yep…in front of my babies and everyone else sitting in traffic!

I rolled the windows down, singing (not very well) “All of my purple life…..!”

Of course, I didn’t blare the cuss words in front of my babies…

If you can’t recall “Erotic City” here is a YouTube of Shelia E. (another fav of mine!) performing it in Paris:

But that’s when you know, in that short 4 minutes or so, you are having a good life and you don’t care if anyone sees it!

It’s moments like those that I wish all people could experience more. I think life would be much lighter and happier for everyone, including myself, if they simply pursue things that simply make them happy as opposed to what they THINK will make their lives complete, which is usually money.

Money is good but money is the root of all evil for a reason…

So in throwing down to “Erotic City” with my children looking at me crazy, I came up with some reasons when you know you have a “Good Life”:

REASONS YOU KNOW YOU HAVE A GOOD LIFE

  1. You Blast anything by Prince, Sheila E., Force MD, Boy George, Ready For the World, etc. in stopped traffic as loud as you can!
  2. You blast anything by Jimi Hendrix in stopped traffic.
  3. You act high when you really are not.
  4. You act drunk when you really are not.
  5. You laugh to yourself and converse with yourself and laugh some more when you realize how fucking crazy you look.
  6. You’re in your 40s and still consider dressing up for Halloween.
  7. You don’t mind eating cold pizza.
  8. You say “Fuck the stove” for a few nights and have an affair with the microwave.
  9. Dance walking into work and dance walking out and dance in front of your lame coworkers.
  10. Enjoy paying bills.
  11. Being broke doesn’t bother you much no more. If you can’t afford it, fuck it!
  12. You’re from the desert but love the idea of vacationing in Russia.
  13. Don’t wait on your friends to bullshit around having a good time.
  14. Enjoy traveling out of the country alone.
  15. You’re rich and you still eat Ramen Noodles.
  16. Your smile walking out of a bad relationship.
  17. Not hearing from him/her ceases to bother you.
  18. You cut your own paycheck (my personal favorite)
  19. Fucked up feet no longer bother you (as long as there is no fungus in them!)
  20. You dance in the isle of Wal Mart.
  21. You find old people fights funny as hell.
  22. When you consider all the rooms you haven’t had sex in, cleaning your house seems strangely erotic.
  23. When you consider all the cars you haven’t had sex in, trading in your clunker seems strangely erotic.
  24. You spouse could careless about your porn addiction. They are likely addicted too!
  25. Sponantiety is a lot more exciting nowadays.

Feel free to add to my list of “the good life” things!

Thanks!

 

Funny how They start to Care when you Stop…..


I know most of us have been in the situation where we care entirely too much about someone or something. It can be a spouse, a companion, a job, a car, parents, kids….anything and anyone!

In my personal experience, I have always found it fascinating how the people who blow you off the most or people who disregard your feelings and opinions the most start to act soooo brand new the moment their opinions officially don’t give a damn to you anymore.

I think that’s the kicker: they know (or assume…) you value their opinion and their presence so much that you would absolutely never step out of line!!

“Oh no! Not Her!”

“She would never get bold with me!”

She would never walk out on me! She accepted that I’m an asshole; hell, she been with me this long!’

He accepted my stank ass and I’m a bitch to him 3-4 days out of the week! I dare him to leave!”

“They need this job. Let me drive them crazy with extra bullshit work and my cruddy ass attitude because I ain’t got a decent piece of ass from my spouse in 3 years!”

Until….!

TOP 7 REASONS THEY ACT LIKE THEY CARE WHEN YOU STOP!

  1. She/he dissed you because they assume the grass is greener on the other side of Mars….(FYI: there is no fucking grass on Mars!) and you don’t even care to chase after them! I’m sure we have all been in this situation! You leave them alone, get over them within a month or so and out the sky blue they show interest with a lame “Hey How ya been?” text…you know you officially don’t give a shit when you cannot even recognize the number, of course, assuming you deleted their number in the first place…I know I do!
  2. Your anal ass boss seems to have a new attitude of their own after you completely had it with their abusive corporate ways and you professionally cuss them the fuck out because you simply don’t care to deal with it anymore. This one is  another common one. Most people are not in love with their jobs and it makes it even worse when you have to work with dickheads that think they are holier than thou. I have found that when coworkers simply stand up to their lousy bosses (of course in a professional and tactful way) things could go for the best for them, especially if they get justification from higher authority. But the downside is that if you do this, your boss may turn into an even bigger dickhead because you bruised their bullshit ego. Or if you are in the blessed position to not have to worry about finances, you can simply pull a “Fuck you, I QUIT!” out your ass and keep it moving!
  3. You cease caring to lend your drunk ass Uncle Larry money to pay his rent when he’s only going to buy more booze and you magically stop hearing from him! Ohhhhh! This is a good one! Family members are sometimes the worse about being grateful. You want to be there for your family members, regardless how much of a drunk or crackhead they may be, because…well…they are family. But dammit, even those motherfuckers drive you up a wall to the point you simply stop caring. Now I am not saying stop caring about your family members; I’m saying stop caring to bail their asses out of their own self-inflicting bullshit. You have your own mess to contend with. There is nothing cute about supporting a 43-year-old toddler!
  4. You cease giving a damn about working with bitchy ass Susan who believes her shit don’t stink simply because she has more seniority than you do! I have been in the position where I cussed out older people I worked with. I do not have to tolerate being bullied in the workplace simply because you been around the gig for 10-20 years because you too wack to find something better. And that is not to assume all seniority members of a job are lame; some are quiet knowledgeable and truly sophisticated men and women. I am talking about those bitter ass older people who snap, scream, and simply keep attitudes, assuming you have to contend with it. Give them a great justified cuss out right back and watch your working environment become much lighter. Bitter ass Susan may be forced to retire! And frankly it is not always older workers, in all respect. If you know you are working in a toxic environment with anyone, stop giving a damn about their opinions and their presence, act how they act and watch what happens!
  5. You quit inviting folks out that seem to never show the hell up anyway! This is a personal favorite of mine! Things happen in people’s lives that make them occupied and busy of course. As a single working mom, I can definitely vouch for that. However; I still try to attend my friend’s birthday parties, weddings, get togethers, business conferences, etc. etc. But if those individuals cannot seem to return the good deed and repeatedly bullshit you with the SAME excuse, it’s time to cut them off. Post some party photos on Facebook enough times and I guarantee you will hear from them before they EVER hear from you again!
  6. You simply tell your parents respectfully that their opinions simply don’t move you in the direction THEY want for YOUR life. Everyone I know can relate to this one. Some parents simply have a hard time realizing your 30 years old and they feel if they keep screaming in your ear about why you have not done and accomplished more in life and accepting how you truly don’t give a shit to hear it anymore. You are comfortable in your position in life and it is simply taking them a long time to realize it. If you are not mooching off of them or anyone else, paying bills, paying rent/mortgage, being a productive member of society, then dammit what is their fucking problem?! Tell your nagging parents about themselves and they will probably back off….for a while. Parents are always that special exception to the rules!
  7. You simply quit caring to impress folks who don’t matter, which should truly be everyone you know! Trying to impress everyone you know will very likely kill you. We all know this!! It’s stressful and how do you know they will even appreciate your efforts?! And if they are impressed, who is to say they won’t try to one-up you? This is especially true for the workplace or within sibling rivalries. This is exactly why I don’t share all my ideas and plans with people. To a certain degree, people should not matter in your decision making. Yes, we are encouraged and inspired by various sources in life, but at the end of the day, what you deem the most important to YOU is how you should base any and all decisions. I think that way you will feel like you certainly made the right decision and that you simply don’t owe anyone anything anymore.

Massasschusetts residents may have to pay for killers electrolysis for sex change?!


I remember hearing about this case in recent past and I thought it was just…bizarre!

First, Robert Kosilek…er….Michelle Kosilek…killed her wife back in 1992 and is serving a life time prison term. But today, I read a Boston Herald article detailing how the judge is ordering the state to pay for Michelle’s electrolysis if it is needed to complete her sex change!!!

Apparently, Michelle has been suffering from a disorder called “gender identity”…..had no idea there was such a thing!

In Kosilek’s defense, the judge said to deny her of the electrolysis would cruel and unusual punishment….

Here is pic of Michelle post/pre gender change:

Ok…I am all for people doing whatever they want to their bodies if they feel it is the right thing to do. It is their prerogative.
Who am I or anyone else to say it is bad or wrong?

But my issue is: this individual is a murderer. Taxpayers pay enough to keep convicts in prison but to now have to pay for their elective surgeries too?!

I recently had a retired Naval Officer friend of mine explain how women in the military get tax paid boob jobs….don’t even get me started on that one!

After doing a little research on gender identity disorder, I have come to the conclusion that it is very much so a psychological disorder more than anything else….I could be wrong. I am not a doctor!

The only thing I could think of that would slightly justify paying for this convict’s electrolysis is the fact that his feminine mannerism in a male prison may make him vulnerable to brutality.

But then there in is another concern, if he starts to look more like a woman, wouldn’t that put his safety at even more risks in a male prison?! I mean, if there is a woman trapped in an all male prison….oh I don’t even want to think about it!!!

I really would be pissed as a New England resident to know I have to pay for this shit! I mean, it doesn’t seem to be a necessity to the state or this convict and two, it seems as if it’s a no win for Michelle or the state. Massachusetts residents are paying for something that might put Michelle in even more danger! The only way I can see this being a win win, primarily for Michelle, is if she is moved to another corrections facility.

Like I said earlier, this is definitely a new one for me! Feel free to chime in!

Thanks for reading!

If I’m being so negative…then dude…seriously? F*ck off!


I have been a victim of the “You’re too negative” blahzay blah nonsense, too! More than once!

And it’s almost always because I sniffed out bullshit and called it out or I saw some bullshit and pointed it out!

Or maybe I went through some shit and released it out!

I am human. I am not going to have a good day all the damn time.

My struggles are not yours and yours are not mine.

I don’t wake up and go to bed negative. I just wake up and go to bed with different stresses than you do.

Some of my social circle really use to upset me and I even thought about cutting some friends off. They bark about how negative I was being on social media, but VERY VERY VERY few friends cared to simply ask “What’s the matter?”

People would have known that I let go of an abusive ex and it just really put me in an ambiguous place with my feelings big time. I mean, who do you talk to about something like that?!

I was violated, embarassed, hurt, angry…..all of that!

The best way to vent without REALLY saying what is wrong was through Facebook or other social media outlets…including blogging.

So it more so hurt that people immediately jumped down my throat saying I am so pessimistic without caring to ask what’s wrong. Even some of my own family didn’t care to freaking ask.

So when you see someone with a not so nice post, blog or attitude, seriously, leave them the hell alone. They are human too and may be going through shit your small-minded ass would never understand.

And if they are OOOHHH SOOO TOXIC, then cut them the hell off. If their posts and blogs are just oh so tramautizing to you, stop reading them…..dumbass. And why are you paying so much attention to people you more than likely barely know?!!??!!

And for some people to get so upset over someone else’s thoughts just goes to show you that there are so many people in the world who simply don’t have a damn life and it’s quite sad.

I have since gotten over the things the ex did to me which was some years back, but I most certainly do call out nonsense when I see fit or when I care enough!

If I know something doesn’t feel right, I will likely say something, especially when you are asking of my time or money. And you will very likely not like what I have to say because it will be the truth. I’ve been in that position countless times!

When people hear the truth about their nonsense they usually get ass hurt real quick. Oh well. Life is full of disappointments unfortunately. I’m certain your momma taught you that…I hope.

But the next time you THINK someone is being so “negative,” if it’s bothering you that damn much, in the mist of you complaining so damn much about it, just ask them what’s up. I’m sure you will change your attitude. And furthermore, stop paying attention to thoughts and feelings that are not your own. People are not designed to march to your tune all the time.

I mean, your tune may very well suck! Nothing personal! And that’s no reason to get pissy when someone tells you the truth about it!

Thanks for reading!